Romantic Princess Pt. 1

The poorly made paper fan that I had folded up a couple of hours ago was utterly useless against the sweltering summer heat. Even under the shadowy embrace of my massive rainbow beach umbrella, the sun somehow still managed to remind me of its omnipotent presence. I tossed the paper fan aside and reached for my pen and a sheet of paper. 'I might as well make the most of my time here', I thought glumly. Twirling my pen absentmindedly, I racked my brain for a cute date idea. In this goddamn heat, if I had a boyfriend, all I'd want to do is stay inside and sit right besides the air conditioner all day. But that was a shit idea and definitely not worth anyone's dollar. Instead in neat cursive letters, I wrote, "Take the 2B bus to the Old Town ice cream factory! They have a small museum where you can learn about the history of ice cream, how they make their ice cream, and have a free taste test of all their different flavors! Tickets are only $5! On days over 92 degrees, they even offer a free carton of ice cream! The best part? Behind the the telephone booth inside is a speak easy that serve spiked affogattos and other yummy treats!", folded it up, and tossed it into the 'date' box. Michelle, my roommate, would not be happy about me writing this idea because the speak easy was one of her sacred study spots but beggars can't be choosers. 'There's one idea,' I mused. 'What else would be fun on a miserably hot day like this?' I fiddled with my pen racking my brain for ideas when a shadow leered over my desk. I hastily looked up to see two girls surveying the display on the table. With a wide smile, I said in a sing songy voice, "Hello! My name is Lucy, welcome to the Romantic Princess booth! How may I help you?" "Hi Lucy! We're just looking, thanks," said the brunette. "No problem! As you can see, there's 5 different boxes ranging from date ideas all the way down to proposal ideas! For a dollar, you can draw one idea from any of the boxes! I guarantee that each idea is original and extraordinary! If not, you get your money back!" The girls giggled, before taking a look at the boxes. I tapped my fingers on my thighs in anticipation. If they decide to buy an idea, that means I had made $17 in the past two hours.
 Unsurprisingly, even in this terrible weather, Fairway Park was packed with tourists, artists, performers, and random booths. Mine included. Ever since the movie "Fairway Park" was filmed here a couple years back, this park had become a huge attraction. What was once a community of street artists and local folks now became one of the top destinations to visit in LA. Thus, it wasn't surprising to see tourists taking pictures by the tree where Chris Evans proposed to Anne Hathaway or look through the many, many booths that sold "Fairway Park" merchandise while blasting the soundtrack from the movie on repeat. Thankfully, my little booth was far, far away from those booths. My little section was a 6 foot by 6 foot mat wedged between Shao Feng, an old man who played pretty tunes on the zither and Markus, a junior at UCSB who owns a high powered telescope where he'd charge $3 for a look through it. I tried it once and got to see Mars and a couple of stars which Markus gladly explained in great detail. Across the path from my booth was Sasha's where she sells cute bracelets from shells and stuff. This place was where I spent my Saturday and Sunday afternoons, hanging out with fellow street side self-employed people and mingling with tourists.
"Alright, we'll take two," said the brunette. She passed me two bucks and I grinned. "For sure! Have you decided which boxes?"
The girls looked at each other and giggled again. The brunette smiled mischievously before grabbing a sheet from the "foreplay" box. Her friend laughed and asked her to read it out loud.
"Cover your significant other's eyes for a taste test. From strawberry jam to jalapenos, let them have a taste and yearn for more! Of course, no treat is yummier than your lips!" The brunette smile coyly as she wrapped her arm around her friend's waist, "Huh, guess we ought to try that now."
Op! Her girlfriend blushed before reaching for the date idea. She smiled softly and showed it to the brunette who giggled. "Huh, this sounds fun. Wanna ditch our plan to go to the movies and head to Toys R Us?" She nodded with a smile before turning to me.
"This is a really cool idea! Thanks!"
I smiled back, "No problem! Have fun you two, and don't get caught!" They laughed jovially before sauntering off.

xx

After the two girls left, business got slow again and I was left silent and burning. Shao Feng's steady playing which is usually soothing was now an aggravating reminder of how slow time was passing and how the weather didn't seem to be getting any cooler soon. I sighed as I reached for my water bottle only to find out that it was empty. Damn it. "Shao Feng, watch my booth for me!" He gave me a nod before resuming his playing.

 Grabbing my purse and the water bottle, I stood up, straightened my shorts, and headed over to the trash can. After tossing the bottle, I noticed the snack vendor and felt my stomach growl. Two kids were eating ice cream and even though I'm not fond of mint n' chip, their's looked amazing. Fuck. Did I really want to use the 2 bucks I just attained. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Even with my inner dilemma, my feet seemed to walk on it's own and I was standing in the line with three other kids. When it was my turn, I gave a pained smile to the vendor still debating if this was worth it. 'I waited in line for it. It would be rude to just walk out now.' I reached for my wallet and pulled out the two dollars. "Hi, can I have a crazy cone with strawberry ice cream, please?" He reached down to grab a cone and artfully twirled the ice cream till it sat perkily on the delicious chocolate covered cone. He then doused it in sprinkles before handing it to me.

"That will be four dollars," he said monotonously. 

"Wait, what?" I gripped my two bucks tensely. That price was ridiculous. "I'm sorry," I began cordially, "just three days ago, it cost two dollars."

"Nope. It's four dollars. You must have heard wrong."

I stared at him, appalled, when realization kicked in. "Ohhh, you think I'm a tourist or something, right? Well, you're wrong. I work in the booth just one street down from here." I pointed to my booth on the other side of the street. I beamed at him before whispering conspiringly, "I know you over charge the tourists. All the locals know that the ice cream only costs 2 bucks."

He rolled his eyes. "If you don't have the money, you can't have the ice cream." God fucking damnit. I know he is lying. I've been to this store many, many times and it's always 2 bucks. What is this guy's problem? Is he new? Does he have a grudge against me? The 2 bucks in my hand were getting sweaty and crumpled as I gripped it harder and harder. I am about to die and all I want is that fucking ice cream cone in his hand. Why is he making this so hard?

"Look," I tried again, "I've been coming here forever. You can't just double the price out of nowhere!" 

"Look miss, unless you can pay for the ice cream, please get out of the line."

"Yeah!" I turned shocked to see five red, pissy faces staring back at me. "If you're not going to buy the ice cream, could you move so I can get some?" A little boy glared at me challengingly. 

What a fucking brat. "You know what you little brat, I'm trying to set the truth here! Why don't you mind your own bu--"Here, I got it," a tanned hand reached past my face and handed the money before passing the ice cream to me.

"Thank you," I said awkwardly as I turned to face the stranger. My eyes widened as I took in his appearance. Bless my stars, he was beautiful. With olive skin, close cropped dark hair, chiseled cheekbones, broad shoulders, and his toned calves--"Hey, if you could move out of the way. I'm trying to place some orders." I blinked. Quickly, I stepped aside and let him pass.

"Oh sorry. Thanks, again." I smiled sheepishly.

He gave me a quick glance and muttered a no problem. Even his voice sounded nice. I grinned before dazedly walking back to my booth. I stared at my half melted ice cream, before gingerly taking a lick. I blushed imagining that it was his lips. I'm going to preserve this ice cream cone forever. This has to be fate. It just has to be. When I reached my booth I was giggling manically. I grabbed my pen and paper and scribbled furiously. Inspiration was surrounding me. Could this be love?

Inspired by: http://fuckingconversations.tumblr.com/post/71945524861/karenfelloutofbedagain-theonewholovesbooks

Trailer Talk

Okay, for those of you who didn't know, one of my favorite things to do to is watch movie trailers. Yep. I can't get enough of those teasers that provide us with just enough information to let us determine whether it's worth watching or not. Well, yesterday, I was watching random trailers and decided to share with you just a couple of animated movies that I'm super excited about!
So far in the year of 2015, there were maybe two animated movies that really seemed to have sparked public interest, Inside Out and Home. Even as an avid fan of animated movies, I have chosen not watch Home and don't intend to watch Inside Out anytime soon. Personally, I find the plot to be unoriginal simply because I am familiar with two other short animated films that deal with similar concepts, one being a World War II propaganda created by Disney. The apathy towards the film is especially strong because I had high expectations for its next film because I have always been impressed with Pixar's ability to create stories that are so creative and unique. I mean, a house that flies to South America through balloons, a car that goes through some major character development, and a world powered by the screams of children... these are one of a kind ideas! Inside Out, not so much. Furthermore, I am not 100% sold on the idea that it is our emotions that manipulate (or should I use "motivate") our being. However, even with my hesitance, Inside Out is doing incredibly well in the box office placing up as the second highest grossing film from Pixar. With the release of Inside Out, it seems that companies are hurriedly trying to promote their own upcoming animated features. Trailers from different companies have been released nearly all at the same time! Unfortunately, a majority of the movies are to be released in 2016 rather than this year. I already have high hopes for 2016 simply because of Moana, but after seeing these trailers, I have added a couple more movies to my must watch list!

Anticipations:

The Little Prince (2015) is an animated feature adapted from the novel by Antoine De Saint-Exupery and words cannot express how excited I am to see this movie! This has been one of my favorite books since I first read it in elementary school, and the fact that it has been turned into a movie is so thrilling! A fusion of stop motion animation and CGI, the trailer hints at one stunning movie. The papery texture of the characters and the scenery when retelling the story of the little prince is exquisite and so delicate. It seems to capture De Saint-Exupery's drawings perfectly. Just based on this clip, the writers and the director seem to have done a really great job of retelling the story in a way that is more relatable to children today while still retaining the major themes of innocence, curiosity, knowledge, kindness, and love. PS the Fox's voice actor is James Franco. I am quite surprised he took on a project like this and I am eager to see how he plays the role of the wise fox.

The Secret Life of Pets (2016) is quite a new direction Illumination Entertainment is heading for and I am liking what I'm seeing in the trailer. Honestly, I find the bubbly yellow minions growing a little stale, and I am eager to see what Illumination Ent. has to bring after the movie flop, Hop. Dubbed as "the Toy Story but with pets", the movie will explore what goes on behind closed doors when it comes to our pets. Unlike most pet movies, this movie explores not only cats and dogs but fishes and birds too which was a small but noticeable difference that I appreciate. The ending of the trailer was hilarious, and there was a quaint charm to the entire trailer. I was especially drawn to the details put into each home. Whoever chose the color schemes and the furniture for each apartment did amazing because each felt so warm and homey. I can just picture myself with my dog in one of those pretty little places. I love the color scheme of the movie, and each character seems so unique; I can't wait to see how they will interact and create a story within the movie.
Zootopia (2016) was an unexpected addition to my list. When I first heard of this movie, I thought it would be another one of Disney's wildlife film like Whispers but lo and behold, it turned out to be an animated movie! There's some kind of charm to this trailer that made me watch it over and over again. Dare I say, it reminds me of Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox; firstly, because the narrator is a fox and secondly, because he is a witty fox. Hah! I really like the voice actor for the fox. Turns out he's Jason Bateman... that name doesn't ring a bell for me, but this isn't his first time as a voice actor! He was also in Arthur and the Invisibles in 2006! Either way, he sold his character and I am digging it! The rabbit is also so cute... like The Secret Lie of Pets, this movie also hints at a story full of wild possibilities and I am anticipating a lot out of the movie!

Get Frou Frou with Marabou

Marabou goes hand in hand with old Hollywood glamour and boudoir photography, and I am obsessed with its return to the fashion industry with Betsey Johnson's and Dyspnea's S/S 2015 shows. There's something so sexy yet sweet about these fluffy balls of feather that usually come in shades of pink and white. I'm adoring how it's often used as trimming for gowns the way it was worn during the 50s and 60s and of course, I can't forget those classic marabou mules. It seems that the designers have decided to go for a retro glam look by opting out the silk gowns for tulle skirts, sheer material, and ornate detailing while still keeping the darling marabou trimmings.

Bridget Bardot killing it.

Agent Provocateur
The fact that it's called
 Loleata heels kills me.

Alexander Wang

Dyspnea S/S 2015

Dyspnea S/S 2015

Dyspnea S/S 2015

Dyspnea S/S 2015

Dyspnea S/S 2015

Dyspnea S/S 2015

Betsey Johnson S/S 2015

Betsey Johnson S/S 2015

Vestidos De Alta Costura 2013

Armani 2013

Of course, this post wouldn't be complete without a lingerie set to match.

Honesty Hour: Body Image

This was written for a scholarship prompt about my greatest struggle and how I will use what I learned from it to help the Korean community.

I happen to have many defining physical characteristics. I have long black hair that swings from side to side when I walk. I have big feet that look like mermaid fins. I have a nose dusted with freckles and a dimple on my right cheek. I have broad shoulders and a wide smile. I have long nails and a long neck. However, for a long, long time, I only saw the bulge of my stomach, the thick thighs, and the white stretch marks that line the side of my hips and the back of my knees. I hated those parts. I used to draw lines on my thighs with my highlighter imagining what parts of me I would cut off. A chunk of my thigh. A good portion of my hips. I hated my body. I always pictured my body as an egg, something I would escape somehow when the time was right. I thought, maybe, the body I’m in is only temporary and one day, magically, I will be blessed with stick skinny legs, a flat stomach, and a small face. It never happened. Even now, people around me don’t let me forget it. “Oh Estelle, you’re still young. You can lose weight.” “Estelle, here’s this diet plan I heard of. My friend told me she lost 10 pounds in a week.” Even worse, it was most often my family members who said such hurtful remarks. They would often coat their words in sugar, adding words like, “we say this because we care about you” or “we don’t want you to get diabetes”. My least favorite was when they said, “Imagine how much prettier you could be if you were thinner.” Others would just flat out insult me. “You’re fat and ugly.” “Fatty. You’ll never get a boyfriend at this rate.” Back then, I didn’t really think about the impacts their words had on me. I doubt even they understood how hurtful they were being. Talking about weight is as common as talking about the weather in my family. There was no tangible evidence that what they were saying or how I felt was genuinely taking a toll on me. I would laugh at their commentary; sometimes I would get mad. I tried not to care. Maybe it worked since I continued to eat.

Yet, a part of me withered away as I listened and believed. My self esteem was extremely low, and I hated looking at my body. Even though I love shopping, I would protest going shopping with my family because they would often comment about my clothing size or how I looked. Even when I went shopping with my friends, I would buy clothes a size smaller than my size so that I wouldn’t be the only “large” in the sea of “extra smalls”. It hurt enough that I was comparing myself to girls around me, but even my family compared my body to other girls. They would say, "At your school, I bet you're the biggest girl." Or if I was at a party, I would be asked, "Don't you think you're the biggest girl here?" It was as if the size of my body made me a freak of nature that didn't belong. The hatred I had for my body eventually poisoned my entire opinion about my identity. I hated myself. I felt worthless. Ugly. Unwanted. Every ounce of me that took up a space in the world seemed unneeded. I wanted to become anorexic. At least then, I would be thinner. At least then, I would finally be approved of. Even with these dark and troubling thoughts that would cross my mind, I still laughed, lived, and ate. A lot. So the bitter comments continued. The people who made comments grew from my immediate family members to relatives. Even at family gatherings, rather than asking me about my progress in school or the latest internship I had, they would advise me about weight loss solutions. As if my body was a problem. As I grew older, the demand for change on my physical appearance simply grew even more. 

“Have you considered getting double eyelid surgery?” “I know a great place to get some work done.” Common to most Korean women, many of my female relatives have the double eyelid procedure done. Thus, it wasn’t a surprise for me to hear that suggested to me. With my small, monolid eyes, I did not meet the standards of Korean beauty. For me, my eyes were just another detail about my body that I detested. I considered getting the procedure; however, when given the opportunity to change myself “for the better”, I realized I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to change myself in order to conform to society’s standardized idea of beauty. Although they weren’t large and luminous like Kim Tae Hee’s or Anne Hathaway’s, they were my eyes and they made up who I am. I can’t pinpoint exactly when I started caring less and less about people’s opinion on my appearance or when I finally stopped comparing my body measurements to K-pop stars’, but before I knew it, my opinions started feeling far more important than others’. ‘Being fat isn’t the worst thing I can be.’ ‘Ice cream tastes amazingly delicious, and as an four-year athlete playing water polo and swimming, I deserve that second bowl of rice.’ I deserve to be comfortable in my own skin. People still talked. The comments I heard still stung. However, from then on, it was not because I thought what they were saying was true, but simply because they were being mean. Maybe I am fat. Some may agree and some may disagree. However, what is for certain is that regardless of how other people see my body, I love who I am. There are far better things for me to focus on than my weight. There are far more things to describe me than ‘fat’. I’m funny, I’m bubbly, I’m a great writer, and I travel a lot. I make some wicked pasta, and I can identify almost all Disney characters. I am the best at making my grandma laugh, and I read all the fairy tale books at my local library. I still have a bulge in my stomach, the same thick thighs, and the white stretch marks on my hips and the back of my knees. Yet, rather than letting those characteristics define me, I have accepted that those characteristics are a part of me. This is the body I have. I am thankful for my two eyes, my strong lungs, my beating heart, and my two hands that are helping me type this essay at this very second. I am also thankful for my pudgy stomach, my thick thighs, and all 5 foot 8 inches and 175 pounds that make up me. This is me. Like JK Rowling once asked, “Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’?” I don’t think so.

Therefore, I wish to raise awareness about body image positivity in the Korean community. Within a population where a majority of the women are petite, and where slimness is glorified beyond reason, I believe that it is important to help our community recognize that beauty comes in all sizes, shapes, and form. As a homogenous country, unrealistic beauty standards are rigidly upheld within Korean society. From pale, translucent skin to extreme slenderness, beauty in Korea is formulaic rather than natural. Media only feeds this belief by broadcasting singers and actresses who go so far as to eat only boiled eggs and bananas in a day to maintain their body image. However, such procedures are normalized and is not something shocking to our population. Rather, people follow such unrealistic expectations. It is not uncommon to see plastic surgery ads all over streets in Korea, and just yesterday on TV, there was a commercial for a Korean plastic surgery clinic in Los Angeles. In fact, Korea has the highest rate of plastic surgery within the world. Plastic surgery is so normalized that girls in high school are offered double eyelid surgery as a graduation gift. If you choose not to conform, you are often dismissed or mocked. Whenever I go to Korea, even my own grandma rigidly enforces the belief that I need to lose weight in order to look pretty. At stores, there are times when I’m told that they simply do not carry my size. Thus, many women in Korea believe that they cannot be loved or seen as beautiful unless they modify their appearance via dieting or plastic surgery. As a Korean who does not conform with the beauty standards that I’ve grown up with, I plan on using my experiences to promote body positivity through my writing and in my future filming endeavors. Beauty standards change based on what is enforced by the media; by representing women of various appearances and interests, I hope to show that there is more than one way to be beautiful. Beauty can come in the forms of confidence or passion. Beauty can come from looking in the mirror and smiling at your reflection. Through accurate representation and awareness, I want women in the Korean community to be able to look into the mirror and love themselves for the way they are. I want their family and friends to look at them and ask about their latest hobby rather than their weight. I want them to realize that no matter what they look like, they deserve to be happy with who they are.

Great article on Korea's Unrealistic Beauty Standards

How to Dress like a Mermaid

because mermaids love Valentino, too

Here's a how to guide to achieve the perfect mermaid look while remaining in vogue. Unlike the common assumption that mermaids only adore shades of greens and blues or God forbid, red, purple, and green (a gross misinterpretation of mermaids on Disney's part), mermaids are currently all about shades of lavender, ivory, and blue. From head to toe, here's the look for the modern mermaid.

Mermaids wear minimal makeup, but adore luminous and pearlescent shades to add a little glow to their face. Another favorite is to use shades like white or blue to eye-line the bottom lash line. Glitter and sequins can be glued onto to eyelids to imitate the scales.
Pearls are a classic addition to a mermaid's wardrobe and can be used to decorate anything. It is popular to see mermaids pinning pearls in their hair or weaving it around their tail. To achieve the perfect mermaid hair, apply loads of gel to imitate constantly wet hair the way Gemma Ward does or use pretty accessories like star fishes and fish scales to pin up your hair. Unlike common belief, mermaids do not like to wear their hair down since it tends to get all over their face or caught into things like nets. There's been 23 cases of mermaids getting their snagged on fishing hooks just last year.
A must have accessory for this season is the conch clutch. Chanel has managed to perfect the art of conch making, and you can easily substitute those for the ones you can find underwater.

Mermaids adore free flowing forms and ornate designs as shown in the dresses shown above. Thus, mermaids prefer dresses over any other form of clothing humans wear. Unlike the misconception that mermaids like to cover their breasts with sea shells, mermaids generally do not bother to cover their breasts. Lately, it has been in vogue for them to pierce their nipples or to wrap long strands of seaweed around their chest. Thus, to imitate their carefree and natural look, opt for sheer, see through materials such as the Valentino dress shown above. Mermaids do not like clingy material and prefer flowy material that makes it easy for them to move around in. Some brands that create such dresses include Chloe and Elie Saab.
Although mermaids prefer not to wear shoes altogether, if need be, they love this see through shoe from Valentino and this nude heel covered in soft, blue material from Margiela. 

Hopefully this guide was helpful to you mermaid or fashion enthusiasts! Feel free to comment below to ask for more mermaid style tips!

Cheers,

Estelle

Greek Yogurt Goodies

After interning at Delish for a semester, I could not resist posting a recipe round-up as one of my blog entries. I actually started on this post a while back but decided to publish it now in time for summer! A majority of these recipes are simple, sweet, and non-baked items! Hope you enjoy these delicious treats this summer! 

Greek Yogurt is one of my all time favorite snacks and a staple item in my fridge; with so much of it around, I figured I could make something out of it other than the usual smoothies or parfaits! With a little help from Google and Pinterest, I have found out how versatile Greek Yogurt could be! After scrolling and trying a few of these amazing recipes myself, I compiled a list of some amazing desserts you can make with Greek Yogurt! Greek Yogurt not only helps you feel fuller faster, it has 0 grams of saturated fat and cholesterol and is full of calcium and other beneficial nutrients that help with digestion, blood pressure, weight management, and more. By using Greek Yogurt as a key ingredient, you'll be able to enjoy some of your favorite treats in a much healthier way!

Greek Yogurt Brownies: "Rich and fudgy brownies speckled with chocolate chips, walnuts and fat-free Greek yogurt instead of butter." Change up your brownie routine with this recipe that requires no butter or oil! A healthier brownie has never been such a breeze!

Greek Yogurt Popsicles: "Red, white and blue popsicles that are completely nutritious and so refreshing in this summer heat!" Yummmm, popsicles... Is there a better way to keep cool during the summer? This recipe is a fun, fruity, fab alternative to our fave dessert that will leave you guilt-free! While this popsicle is made with strawberries and blueberries, any fruit or vegetable works as well. In my case, I chose to use banana and mango. With this recipe, you can tay fit while still enjoying a delectable frozen treat!

Peach Creamsicles: With only 3 ingredients needed, this recipe is a breeze to prepare for and even easier to make! Made with summer's bountiful produce, peaches, this frozen treat is sure to be a favorite within your fam!

Greek Yogurt Pound Cake: The same moist, delicious pound cake with more nutritious value. Top if off with some fresh fruits for a delightful summer treat!

Blueberry Frozen Yogurt Bites: "Frozen blueberries are good enough on their own, but dipped in vanilla Greek yogurt, they’re simply outstanding." Sweet blueberries coated in creamy Greek Yogurt is a light little snack that is perfect on any hot day. Blueberries are great, but feel free to experiment with any healthy harvest including strawberries, pomegranate seeds, and more!

Some more yummy recipes:
Healthy Greek Yogurt Chocolate Fudge Pops by Baker by Nature
No Bake Greek Yogurt Berry Cheesecake by Bare Root Girl
Strawberry Yogurt Bark by Hello, Wonderful
Peach and Blueberry Yogurt Cake by Julia's Album
3 Ingredient Greek Yogurt Truffles by Honey & Figs Kitchen

What are your favorite ways to use Greek Yogurt?

Big Bang

From left to right: (front) G-Dragon, Seungri, Taeyang (back) Daesung, TOP
As usual, Big Bang makes their music video full of charms and quirks that makes me go aww and melt into a puddle of goo.

Watching Big Bang's new music video, Bang Bang Bang and We like 2 Party, I am amazed at the amount of viewers they can garner in such a short time span. Ever since I heard Lies in sixth grade on my friend's iPod nano, I am a VIP and I am so proud to see how BIG they grew since they debuted in 2006. Since then, I have kept up with their progress and changes in music, style, and popularity and truly believe they make up a large part of my childhood and teenage years. From the melancholy melodies of Haru Haru and Lies to the electronica infused Heartbreaker and Tonight era, they have done it all and every step they moved forward I followed along. For someone who doesn't really care for boy bands, they have managed to capture my attention and keep it for all 10 years. With five distinct personalities, voices, and appearances, they have a charm that I cannot withstand and will always be part of my playlists and heart. 

With that said, I am excited to say that I plan on going to their concert at Newark on October 10~11 for their 2015 MADE World Tour! I am literally counting down the days till the tix are available (June 12, 10:00 AM) so I can get the best possible seat to see my babies! The last time they came to USA, I was unfortunately unable to go to their concert and was really bummed. Yet now is finally the time to see them perform live after watching performance after performance on Youtube and TV. I suppose there are perks to waiting till now as well because I can get to see them perform their latest songs as well! I am utterly obsessed with BAE BAE. The neon lights, fluorescent color scheme, sick beats, and beautiful Seungri... I can't get over it! My favorite bits have to be T.O.P holding the incredibly suggestive syringe filled with mysterious, white liquid and spraying it at the stunning flower covered girl and of course Seungri's romantic, melodic singing and brilliant white hair near the end. He looked like an angel of darkness. So. Hot. It's also refreshing to see a song which is incredibly sexual in nature turned into a music video in a really fantastic and sophisticated way. There's nothing really vulgar about the video (except maybe the squirting bit) and approaches sexual chemistry and passion in a really charming, funky way. I love how they took very cliche romantic scenarios and applied it to each of the member. It's as if they are all fetishes in their own harlequin romance novel covers. Tae Yang looking wild and sexy with his cowboy outfit and dark stallion in his Wild West scene, TOP is in a room full of flowers looking mischievous and full of charisma, Daesung looking mysterious and brooding in a paradise like setting, and Seungri looking suave and seductive like a vampire of some sorts--looks like classic female fantasies to me and I am all for it. Hehe. G-Dragon, to be completely honest, I'm not sure what the major theme behind his scene is. With the mannequins, angel statues, and fluorescent lights--it's as if he is the one being seduced by woman (as a whole) and is overwhelmed and enlightened while the other members are the seducers. But the best part of the music video definitely has to go to the end. That close up shot of dduk (rice cakes) slamming into each other while the members chant "chemistry" and "rice cake" (Making rice cake symbolizes having sex in Korean). Big Bang dancing on the moon (where rabbits make dduk, another Korean folklore) with beautiful women dressed in hanboks. The playful skirt chasing and the last scene where they smile into the camera underneath the "skirt". I died. They are so precious. I also loved how they mixed in a little bit of Korean folklore into the concept. It gives a really unique edge amongst K-pop music videos.

On another note, dare I say, the song almost seemed to parallel Frank Sinatra's The Way You Look Tonight. The lyrics to both songs ask the woman to never change and look beautiful the way she does now.

"Lovely... never, never change

Keep that breathless charm

Won't you please arrange it? Cause I love 

just the way you look tonight."

- The Way You Look Tonight

"Baby baby
Can you stay beautiful just like you are right now?
So my heart can race even after time passes
Baby baby
Don’t wither, this is all for the selfish me
You have to stay just as you are right now"

- BAE BAE

Who knew this would be a common theme? But for Sinatra or Big Bang, I suppose I will try and stay as beautiful and breathlessly charming as always. I mean, it shouldn't be too hard being me. Heh.

Loser, which has a completely different vibe is really catchy and reminds me a lot of Bad Boy for some odd reason. Maybe it's the overtone of gray and somberness, or maybe it's the fact that both videos feature them walking around cities in the USA. Like Bad Boy, I dig it but it's not something I would mass replay on my phone. Oh gosh, how ironic, my brother is playing Bad Boy right now and I had to add it to my playlist again. 

The latest music videos and singles released for the MADE series strike a chord but didn't hit home run with me. I think it'll take a bit of time before I start getting into it... but goodness gracious, in I Like 2 Party THEY ARE SO CUTE. They are seriously such a playful bunch and I adore G-dragon's smile. And he smiles so much in the music video, hehe. I think watched it 3 times. I think it's the first time that they feature fans in their music video (G-dragon did separately for his music video, Who You) and kind of made it documentary style. I wish I was there when they were out and about, ugh. Hopefully, if I go to Korea this summer, I get to be graced by their presence. Atleast, at the concert I will for sure see them *-* Rock on, Big Bang! I'm always supporting you! Good luck to your world tour~♥ ♥ ♥ 

some Big Bang ear candy
Lies by Big Bang What started it all. 

Haru Haru by Big Bang A classic.

Cafe by Big Bang Jazzy and chill with a nice beat.

Love Song by Big Bang That wing movement dance is everything to me.

Crooked by G-Dragon For those days when the world seems to be against you.

One of a Kind by G-Dragon Because you are one bad ass and G-Dragon knows it.

That XX by G-Dragon For when you're feeling melancholy.

Black by G-Dragon (Feat. Jennie Kim) Fave. Slow, sad song. 

Hello by G-Dragon (Feat. Dara) Such a bubbly, fun song. Great to dance along to.

Without You by G-Dragon (feat. ??) Mild electronica filled with a sad sweetness to the melody.

Don't Go Home by G-Dragon (Feat. T.O.P) I love the girl in the mv. Such a playful song.

Baby Good Night by G-Dragon (Feat. T.O.P) The mv gives me life. Feel sexy listening to this jam.

Eyes, Nose, Lips by Taeyang Beautiful ballad with a half naked Taeyang. Nuff said.

I Need a Girl by Taeyang Fun dance song with Dara wearing tights I used to obsess over.

Oh goodness...
Here's a little update.
Literally, a few hours after writing this post I was watching Running Man ep. 250 where Big Bang is featured... and then watched Yoo Hee Yeol's Sketchbook where Big Bang left me a sobbing mess.
During the interview prior to the performance, they told Yoo Hee Yeol that their special stage will be a time travel to the happiest moment in their careers. 2006. Their debut. From their outfits to their dreams and speech mannerisms, it was a serious throw back. I died a little when I saw G-Dragon's classic k-pop hair cut and their matching sneakers. Damn, that was 10 years ago. 6th grade. Sitting in a tent at a church picnic listening to my friend's iPod and having a moment of enlightenment as I listened to this song. Going on youtube and replaying the music video over and over again. Wow. They have made it so, so far. I'm so proud of them. So, so proud of them.

They have been on a lot of programs recently in order to promote their new album and it is giving me life. For those of you interested in the latest variety programs featuring Big Bang, check out Yoo Hee Yeol's Sketchbook, Running Man, Naver Starcast, and Happy Together! I missed seeing them on programs like these *tears of happiness* They are so adorable and fun together.

Inner Beauty

Marina Nery by Zoey Grossman For Love & Lemons Summer 2015

As a lot of us have been told, it's what is inside that counts. I take this quote twofolds. One way to interpret this quote is to think, yes, beauty is only skin deep and it's your personality that truly matters and another (not as common way) is to apply it directly to your underwear. Yes, underwear. I think my obsession with underwear started when I read a quote from the book Gatecrashers by Madeline Wickham about 6 years ago... it went like, "Emily Favour [...] had probably been the sort of woman to wear expensive dresses and cheap underclothes". For some odd reason, there was something so sharp and witty about that quote. I just pictured Fleur, the protagonist taking a glimpse at Emily who looks so posh and done up and then smirking imagining what hideous (or worse, dull) little slips of cloth might be covering her privates. It makes Emily so much less of a intimidation than she could be. From then on, whenever I pictured the clothes that will decorate my future walk-in closet, not only was I considering Chanel bags, Chloe dresses, and Blahnik shoes, I fancied owning a lingerie set or two from Agent Provocateur, La Perla, and the sorts. Why? Because your breasts and vagina are beautiful and only deserve the best possible bed. Just kidding.

Now, before I go into detail about the magical effects of the right pair of bras and panties; I want to touch a bit on the history of brassiere and discuss my perspective on the controversial elements of it. I will only be discussing bras in this bit because underwear is a garment shared by most while brassieres are traditionally reserved for women. Although this isn't chronological, here I go... as many know, during the 60s, many women's rights activists "burned their bras" (however, this is a myth and they only threw them away) as an act of rebellion against the limitation placed upon the female body. Bras were a symbol of constraint and an item that symbolized feminine oppression. Truth be told, their reasoning is quite valid; historically, women have "used a variety of garments and devices to cover, restrain, reveal, or modify the appearance of breasts" which are uncomfortable and expensive. Ironically, the "modern bra" was a device created to oppose the even more constraining corsets which were popular before the bra's inception in 1910 by Mary Phelps Jacob. When patented in 1914, she described it as a product that was created to provide more freedom of movement. Even so, like many things (such as rap), society inevitably adopts new, deviant ideas and modify it to something socially acceptable product that fits the common ideology. Thus, bras that were once designed for comfort became a garment that modifies the appearance of the breast based on current beauty standards which explains the conical bras, push-up bras, and the likes. Bras became commercialized, widely available, and now inextricably tied in with women's daily wear. 

Now, although hidden beneath a t-shirt or a skirt, an outfit without bra and underwear is simply put, incomplete. For many, it's a unnerving and strangely daunting venture to dare to leave your house braless. Personally, when I don't wear a bra when I go out, I feel somewhat vulnerable and can't help but glance down to see if my nipples are protruding through my shirt or not. From here on out, my post can go toward the direction of abandoning bras altogether as a token of bravery and rebellion but truth be told, I like bras. I may not like the subliminal intent of constriction and modification behind the creation of bras or the hyper-sexualization of it, but I like how I can use it as a way to make myself feel more beautiful (Granted usually only when I pair it with a cute pair of panties and maybe even some garters *insert winky face*). I think that's the key point. I'm not wearing it for the sake of others or to fit societal norms; I'm wearing it for myself. It's like make-up or false lashes or high heels. Yes, it's constricting and a pain in the ass to put on or take off, but there's something about it that makes YOU feel beautiful with it on.

So, let me tell you about looking lovely with lingerie. Unlike how Victoria's Secret makes it seem, you do not have to be a 6 foot tall, toned, tan South African or Brazilian babe to look sexy in lingerie. Nor do you need to drop $200 on that lacy pair of thongs and basque to feel fancy. Something that my mom told me that I adore and try to follow consistently is to match your bra with your panties. It's so simple but it can instantly make you feel just a little bit sexier. Now, I use the term "sexy" loosely. For me, sexy is not merely about being sexually attractive but also being tasteful and confident, and in my opinion, matching your bra with your panties does that. Next, go through your drawer and throw out all your intimates that are stained, torn, or broken. These are your intimates. They get more action than any lover your way. Choose nice ones. In order to lessen the amount of stained, torn, or broken lingerie, it's important to know how to properly take care of it. Lingerie is far more delicate than your usual garments and as easy as it is to just toss your bras with your t-shirts, to ensure long lasting lingerie, you need to invest your time and money in proper washing techniques. This includes hand washing with products as cheap and available as shampoo in luke warm water or investing in a lingerie bag. For more lingerie care tips, click here! And, take this advice or leave it, but it's time you stop buying those packaged knickers. You know, the ones that come in little plastic bags at Costco or the likes that your mom used to (or still does) buy for you when you were in middle school. Invest in panties of better quality and cuter design. Aerie often has sales, and you could get some cute pair of panties for prices as low as $2.99. If you are obsessed with lingerie and totally willing to rock some garters, baby doll tops, or corsets and can't find a reason to buy it (aka a person to wear it for), you are your own reason! Invest in them, enjoy them, and someday someone will be lucky enough to see you in them as well. Just imagine how glorious you will look in the mirror when you're waltzing around your house in a lacy kimono, silky garters, and a cute little corset. Lingerie has the wonderful ability to make you look so, so sexy and feel so, so confident. You do not need a significant other to make sure your underwear look as good as what you're wearing on the outside. If you really do want to show it off with seeming like a show off, host a lingerie party! Imagine you and your closest pals donned in nothing but cute lingerie, holding glass flutes filled with champagne, listening to some French cafe playlist you found on Spotify, talking about this and that. So. Much. Fun. 

There's this huge taboo that society placed on women when it comes to enjoying or even expressing our sexuality; but you know what, lingerie wasn't created for men to ogle at pictures of models in a Victoria's Secret catalogue or for him to get a raging boner to see you with one on. There's no need to feel self conscious for loving lingerie. Just because it covers your private parts doesn't make it private. Revel in your beauty, in your skin, in lace and ribbons, and in your sexuality. The meaning behind lingerie changes based on the wearer. It can be a device that is used to seduce. It can be a device that is used to boost your confidence. It can be a device used to just keep ants out of your panties. Whatever the situation, use lingerie for you to do you. Feel sexy. Feel beautiful. Feel confident.

Cheers,

Estelle

PS Comment below with what makes you feel sexy, beautiful, or confident! Hopefully lingerie is now on your list!

Need a place to start?

• Check out this article on the best lingerie for your body!
• Some great places to look:

Agent Provocateur

Anthropologie

Petite Cherry

For Love & Lemons

For more options, feel free to message me or comment below!

Honesty Hour: Summer Break

Summer Vibes - Images I have collected from the web that represent the long summer days and the emotions summer invokes upon me. There's a sadness to the freedom I suddenly have. What does the future hold? What does this moment represent? What am I doing? 

What are your plans for summer break?

There was a time when that question wasn't so formidable. There was a place where I can shrug my shoulders, mention a family trip, and the asker would smile in easy acceptance. As I approach my 20s, that no longer seems to be the case. Summer, which once meant long days of sweet nothings is now viewed as a three month time span where one can invest one's time in the likes of study abroad, internships, and research projects. Three weeks into my summer with no internship or job in my pockets, no travel destination in mind, I am left in a state of quandary. What are your plans for summer? When someone asked me that question before I headed back home from New York, my answer was tinged with hopes more than facts. "Oh, I'm looking for an internship. I might go to Korea. I want to intern in Korea." Answers that were full of possibilities yet full of ambiguities. Now, my answers seem down right pathetic when compared to some of the answers I have heard. "I'm going to the Galapagos Islands for a research project." "She's going to San Francisco to intern for Visa." "I'm au pairing in Barcelona and then I'm going to travel Europe." "I'm interning at Kaiser." "I'm studying abroad in England." You know what I say to that? "Oh, I'm working on my portfolio right now." Portfolio is my code word for "I'm panicking and all I'm doing is doodling at home". It sucks. As I look into the future (no, not a crystal ball or anything of that sort), so much of the work I'm interested in have prerequisites that I had yet to fathom or master. Whether it be adobe photoshop or a "working knowledge of adobe premiere", there's a lot I still need to learn. Thus, perhaps, portfolio is more than just my codeword--perhaps it is an opportunity for me to build an actual foundation.

Even with the uncertainty and the creeping feelings of desperation as June slowly blooms, summer is undeniably summer. There's a slowness to it that seems to drown my worries with layers of Talenti gelato (Ralph's is having a sale at 3 for $3.99. Y'all should go get some!), naps at the park, and the prerecorded laughter that accompanies Korean variety programs. I feel like one of those men who ate the lotus fruits in The Odyssey. I know I have this great, long journey ahead of me but I just want to indulge in the fruits that summer offers, a break. However, as I take a bite of this "break", there's something bittersweet to the taste. There's something off about having a break. After being caught up with the momentum of the world for 9 months, now that the world around me has come to a standstill--summer break has given me a whiplash. The sudden stop to all the pressure and the intense workload has made my burden light, but my mind is empty of purpose. I finally get to sleep 8 hours a day (something I thought I'd never do). I eat breakfast daily. I get to hang out with my friends most of the time (many still have school). I get to eat my grandma's cooking. Yet, there's something vaguely unfulfilling about the past three weeks. I feel lost. Confused. All I want to do is sleep. I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of being underwhelmed and I am confused by it. Is this Stockholm Syndrome? Am I actually missing the never ending cycle of work and sleepless nights that comes with being a college student? I can't help but wonder. Yet, I can't help but also recognize that my lack of peace with the solitude and rest I have been given is intertwined with the troubling belief that what I do this summer correlates with what I do in the future. Everyone seems to know that, and thus act upon it. High Schooler's take their SAT prep classes or volunteer. College students intern. Summer break can't be taken literally anymore. There is no break. Sure, I'm out of school, but I'm not out of the pressure. It's still there. Just because you got the stove set on low does not mean that there's no more heat. The heat's still there, and the pressure is still on. (God, I feel like I'm writing a motivational speech from a sports manga. "You got this, girls. You're going to kill it in the court. Sure, so and so are in a lower league but the pressure is still on. The fire's low, but the heat is still there. Strong defense. There's no slacking in this team. Go Bobcats!" Heh.) I think that's the truth.
There is a perpetual message of pressure from the not so distant future that accompanies the mind of students in their late teens. It's overwhelming. Some thrive in the pressure, while some just feel lost. I have been at both ends of the spectrum, and it's heartbreaking to know that our youth is spent worrying and wasting away for adulthood. And it's so disheartening to recognize that our value as a person once you enter your 20s is determined by so many of the decisions that we made in our youth.
More so, in this capitalist society, you are forced to compete with people you know nothing about, who probably also have outstanding qualifications, with weapons like GPA, connections, and work experience. There is no room to truly express who you are and what you can do, there's only a couple of pages of numbers, questions, and figures that determine merely whether or not you're worth getting to know (I'm talking about the call back bit). Resumes and report cards don't give you the chance to tell the world that you stayed up till 5 AM lying next to your friend and making sure she is okay since her parents just divorced, or that you wrote a letter to your grandma on her 72nd birthday that made her laugh and cry, or that the fish you took care of lived for 8 years because you happen to be a mermaid, or that you spent an entire afternoon teaching your brother how to float when you were 6 and now he's the captain of the water polo team. There's just so much more to you and your story that I find far more important than A's and B's or that you "communicated effectively with peers to ensure high performance in the field" (an actual snippet from my resume). Anyways, beyond my rant against resumes and capitalism, the point is, there's so much pressure on you to worry and work for your future self whose worth will be determined not by you but by companies whose goal is to use you to make profit. Does that make sense? It's an ongoing wheel. You're born. You go to school. Your performance in school determines what college you go to. Your college and major influences your internships. Your work experience and college are your key to entering the market economy. You get a job and you make money. You establish relationships. You help others (typically your child) succeed in the previous steps. You die. Your  child/ren continue this cycle.
I'm not saying you should break the wheel (Heh, a Game of Thrones reference); I doubt that's possible. As much as I would like to wander around the great scape of USA and forsake capitalism the way Japhy does in Jack Kerouac's The Dharma Bums, there's just so much that can go wrong with that as a young woman entering her 20s. Instead, I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it's important to make room for you outside of this wheel. As teenagers, we are told by adults that our future is determined by what we do now. We are pressured to juggle as much as we can so that we are more desirable. There are benefits to this "system": you're motivated, you try something new whether it be volunteering in Ghana or working at a hospital, you get to learn a new skill, and you make many friends. The downsides include lack of sleep, lack of proper meals, lack of rest, and lack of time. Personally, I was forced to cram homework for fourth period in first and second, I would show up to meetings late and soaking after water polo games, and I skipped meals until 8 pm where I finally got to eat dinner. At times like that, you have to step back and reevaluate your priorities. What is all this stress worth? Is crying while eating ice cream and writing your paper worth whatever reward you will get in the future? Back then, I thought it was worth it. Even now, I think the stress I go through now is worth the future glory. But as seen in this post, I can't even enjoy a break without worrying that I'm missing out on something. I need to constantly be spinning in the wheel. It's embedded in me. There's something terribly wrong with that. Not every second has to be spent primping and propping your future self. It's not even really for you. Work on yourself for yourself. It's okay to slow down and take a moment to treat yourself. This can mean indulging in desserts or shopping but it can also mean doing things that actually fulfills you. You can make a movie, or train your dog. You do you. Take time to watch the show you have forsaken in order to study for finals. It's summer. Read the pile of books you ignored because you had to read something else for class. Dance till dawn at the club downtown because you don't have to go to that morning class. Like I said, there's no need to break the wheel. But once in a while, stop it. It's unfair for a daisy fresh girl like me to be sitting around getting tangled in depressing thoughts like loans, jobs, and what the future holds for me. It's overwhelming and frankly, depressing. Think of the future, but try not to get lost in it. Summer break should be broken into little pieces and sprinkled throughout the year. Even during the school year, dedicate an hour a day or maybe a day a week to fulfilling yourself for your present self. Go to a concert. Take five at a park and just listen to music. Go to the mall and buy that cute pair of sandals you've been eyeing. I'm sure you in the future will thank you for it.

Be right back,

Estelle

PS This is a very, very long post. Honesty Hours will most often be that way.
PPS Comment below with what your idea of a break is and how you plan on spending your summer! 

For those of you struggling with similar feelings, check out these films. They're incredibly poignant and relatable in many ways.